This week I was feeling creative and decided to take a stab at creating a less glorified rap about the founding of our nation. Undoubtedly this is the first step in my creation of a smash-hit, Marxist musical entitled “Das Khorale.” All rights reserved.

Now here’s a different take about a popular myth

About a bunch of dudes now commonly seen as a monolith

Lawyers, merchants and one pretty good silversmith

You see they all wanted to make bank, get the cheddar

But their king needed dough too, he also wanted treasure

“I gotta lot colonies and I can’t just treat one better”

So these dudes they got pissed, started raising a rabble

Declaring independence, and other such prattle

Spoke highly of liberty and throwing off shackles

‘Course simultaneously they played down their own wealth

Built off the subjugation of a whole race and its health

And got the common man to risk his own damn self

You see these men perpetuated the same old paradigm

Poor, uneducated people believing their cause was damn fine

Showed up to the fight, put their lives on the line

Believing they were killing for good, doing something divine

Tragically, what these poor sods never realized

Was that despite the liberal ideas that were being theorized

In the nation they created, wealth disparities would be maximized

After a bit of gun play, the whole mess shook out

These rich white men stood victorious, and proceeded to shout

“This land is ours and we’re gonna ball out!”

But winning is cake and ruling ain’t easy

They tried out some articles, but the product was measly

And so that experiment lasted only briefly

But they made something more beefy, a constitution they called it

It wasn’t an easy process, with some trying to stall it

Insisted on amendments before they would install it

Even so, the document they forged was morally reprehensible

It ignored women and kept treating black folks as vendible

And just had many points that were quite indefensible

Now despite all its flaws this doc proved quite formative

And laid the basis for America, a nation superlative

With impacts on history that were most reverberative

Since then these men all have been canonized

Their images and stories revised and stylized

And in all, these days, they are quite hard to criticize

Still, some are more well liked or remembered than others

For example, Big Gee-Dub always polls with good numbers

And my inspiration for these rhymes has led to many Hamilton lovers

But our national myths gloss over a whole goddamn lot

And I hope to the powers that be that one day they do not

But I doubt I will see the day, when to our first graders we say:

“When Columbus landed, ninety percent of natives never even had a shot.”