It randomly occurred to me in the shower one night that my grandma sometimes used to fondly recall her visit to Princeton in the 90s when things were much easier for her and also for the rest of us, when she could sleep through a 13-hour flight like a baby and grab a big fat cheeseburger for dinner like a little girl and take a late night walk in the streets of Brooklyn as a young lady would. Praising the mesmerizing beauty of the youthful cherry-blossoms and the soaring grandeur of the Gothic stones that never seemed to age, she would tell me, with a fleeting flash of regret only I could notice, if only you could attend Princeton one day! I would laugh it off, and of course, so did she, assuring me that she is proud of me regardless, which was the most relieving thing to hear. Don’t worry grandma, I’ll go there for grad school, I said. I really wish you could come to my graduation, because my school has a pretty decent campus too.
When I sat on the now-familiar rock stairs facing the rectangular lawn, I began to wonder what it meant to change over time. Time does harsh things to each and every single one of us – no shit, it waits for no one, ghosts you in the middle of an ongoing show, leaves you for good while you are dozing off, whacks you in the back of your head when you are most desperate. Sometimes I can’t breathe. The thought that the paper deadlines are approaching, that sophomore year is almost over, that summer is coming with me having nowhere to work, that my relationship is coming to an end, that my time with my grandma is running out.
Leaves and grasses fall and grow; squirrels come and go. But after all it is a cyclical thing if you think about it, isn’t it? Earlier this month I was struck by the lawn’s miserable, ash-like bleakness. Now, to my relief, a slight greenness, a hope of restoration. But I know for a fact that as we head deeper into the spring, or in worst case, towards the cusp of summer, the brightest of the colors will eventually prevail. Don’t you worry – everything’s gonna be fine when summer comes.
When summer and fall and winter and spring and summer comes.
When summer and fall and winter and spring and summer and fall and winter and spring and summer comes.
When summer and fall and winter and spring and summer and fall and winter and spring and summer and fall and winter and spring and summer comes.