Can you see me?

Can you see me?

Writing by Layla Abdulla ’19. Art by Maheen Syed ’19.

lo-e-1

Blue eyes. No. Wait. Maybe brown would be better. Or is that too dull? Blue is clear and bright but brown is soft and warm. Blue or brown? Okay, let’s go with blue.

Blue eyes and blond hair. Is that combination too cliché? Do I even care? I would be the sun in the clear skies. I’d shine. Alright then. I’ll be a cliché.

Blue eyes and blond hair and well I guess I would have to go with white skin. I’ve never seen any other combination. I guess I don’t have any choice in the matter. I was really looking forward to darkened skin, it seems so bold and strong. Oh well, maybe next time.

Blue eyes and blond hair and white skin and legs… legs that will go on for miles. I think I’ve heard of that phrase before. Legs that will go on for miles. It would be nice to be so tall. I would tower over everyone else and be in the spotlight for once. No more being left behind. No more being a part of the background.

Blue eyes and blond hair and white skin and legs that will go on for miles. Beautiful. I guess my little game is over now.

A person stops in front of me and smiles. Instinctively, I try to smile back. What am I doing? He isn’t smiling at me. No, he doesn’t even see me. It’s his reflection. His imperfect, ugly reflection that mars my sleek, glistening body. He leaves and I’m me again. Empty and alone.  

I want to scream. I want to break free from my frame and shatter into a million pieces. I am tired of being held back and forced to stare into the faces of so many strangers who can’t even see me for who I am. They think I’m here just to mirror their every expression, their every look, and maybe I am but I need to believe that I’m meant for more.

I need to distract myself. This hurts too much. Okay. Okay. Let’s play a game.

Blue eyes. No wait. Maybe brown would be better…